My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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