Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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