nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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