I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
