Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
