So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize