The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
