mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize