I'm lost and stupid without you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
