she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
