I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
