Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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