Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Someone signed my nipple.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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