similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize