I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
