just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
