so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
