The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
