it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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