Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found the puke drawer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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