I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
