WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
