At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
