fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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