after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
