everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
