I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
