Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
