Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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