we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
