It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
love makes seman taste better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
