what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
