Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We left the knife in your bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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