No awkward lesbian experiences without me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize