i jhust puked up my retainher.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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