there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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