so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize