The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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