Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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