dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
