So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
