you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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