It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
