I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
