My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
