my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
