I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will be naked everywhere
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
