I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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