you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
