have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
