Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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