i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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