All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
