yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We're too hungover to prance.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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