im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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