return my video game
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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