dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
