Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Less talking, more tequila
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
