Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize