I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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