I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
