Your dad touched me again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
