My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
