i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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