Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize